7 Common “Therapy Speak” Terms People Misuse, According to Mental Health Experts

In recent years, mental health discussions have surged, especially on social media platforms like TikTok and Instagram. Phrases that were once confined to therapy sessions have now entered everyday conversations. While this shift helps normalize mental health discussions, it also has its drawbacks. Experts warn that many of these terms—collectively known as “therapy speak”—are being misused, leading to misunderstandings and even unintentional harm. Here’s a look at some of the most common therapy terms that people get wrong, according to psychologists.

1. Gaslighting: Misused to Avoid Accountability

Originally, “gaslighting” referred to a form of psychological manipulation, often in abusive relationships, where a person makes their partner question their own reality or memory. While it’s an important term, many use it incorrectly to describe any situation where they feel confused or wronged, even if there’s no deliberate manipulation involved.

Psychologist Susan Albers-Bowling, PsyD, explains that gaslighting is used incorrectly when people use it to avoid reflecting on their own behavior. “It’s easy to say ‘You’re gaslighting me’ without acknowledging your own role in the situation,” she says. This usage can undermine genuine cases of manipulation and prevent people from taking responsibility for their actions.

2. Narcissism: Misunderstood and Overused

In recent years, “narcissism” has become a catch-all term for anyone who displays selfish behavior. However, Justin Puder, PhD, explains that narcissism, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), is a complex condition that requires a consistent pattern of behavior over time, including an inflated sense of self-importance and a lack of empathy.

When people casually call others narcissists for simply being rude or self-centered, it minimizes the seriousness of the disorder. “It’s speculative at best,” says Puder. Diagnosing someone as a narcissist based on isolated incidents or without professional evaluation is misleading and often unhelpful.

3. Boundaries: Often Misused for Self-Centeredness

Setting boundaries is an essential part of healthy communication. However, people often misunderstand what it means to set a proper boundary. “Boundaries” is used incorrectly when it’s seen solely as a way to meet one’s own needs, without considering the needs of others in the relationship.

Albers-Bowling notes that when someone only focuses on their own desires without regard for the other person, it can come across as self-centeredness. True boundary-setting is about mutual respect, communication, and compromise, not just enforcing personal limits.

4. Trauma: Overused or Misapplied

The word “trauma” has gained significant attention in recent years, especially in light of the pandemic. While it’s important to acknowledge the emotional impact of difficult experiences, Albers-Bowling warns that labeling every hardship as “trauma” can be counterproductive. Not all challenging events are necessarily traumatic in a clinical sense.

Using trauma casually can make it harder for people to process their emotions. Instead of focusing on the trauma label, individuals should seek professional help to understand the true emotional impact of their experiences.

5. Attachment Styles: Misused as an Excuse for Behavior

Attachment theory suggests that our early relationships with caregivers shape how we approach relationships as adults. Understanding your attachment style—whether anxious, avoidant, or secure—can help you navigate personal and professional relationships. However, some people misuse their attachment style as a reason for their problematic behaviors.

Albers-Bowling explains, “It can provide an excuse for actions that are better addressed with personal accountability.” For example, claiming “I have an anxious attachment style, so I ghost people” is a way to justify unhealthy relationship habits, rather than addressing the underlying issue.

6. OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder): Used for Everyday Behaviors

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a serious mental health condition characterized by recurring, uncontrollable thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors (compulsions). Unfortunately, many people misuse the term to describe ordinary preferences or habits, like “I’m so OCD about keeping my desk organized.”

Puder cautions that this not only misrepresents the disorder but also stigmatizes those who are genuinely struggling with OCD. “It’s important to remember that OCD is a clinical diagnosis and shouldn’t be used to describe everyday behaviors.”

7. Self-Care: A Trendy, Misleading Concept

While self-care is essential for maintaining mental health, its portrayal on social media often distorts its meaning. In today’s culture, self-care is frequently equated with indulgent activities like spa visits or expensive wellness routines, which can be inaccessible to many people.

Albers-Bowling explains that, in its true form, self-care involves taking care of basic needs: getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, and ensuring emotional well-being. It’s not about spending money or showing off your lifestyle; it’s about taking care of yourself in simple, sustainable ways.

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How to Use Therapy Speak More Effectively

Using therapy speak in everyday conversations isn’t inherently harmful, but it’s important to use these terms correctly. When in doubt, ask for clarification. Albers-Bowling often encourages her clients to define the terms they use, as different people may have different interpretations. If you’re speaking with someone who uses therapy speak, it can be helpful to ask them questions like:

• “What do you mean by ‘narcissism’?”
• “Can you explain what ‘attachment style’ means in this context?”

By asking questions and engaging in deeper conversations, you can ensure that you and the other person are on the same page, avoiding miscommunication and confusion.

Puder also emphasizes that it’s important to avoid casually diagnosing others or labeling them based on limited understanding. “Words are powerful, and using them carelessly can cause harm,” he says.